[7 minute read] 

Maybe I was wrong all along…

After more than two decades dedicated to developing leaders in the charity sector and faith communities, I have to face the possibility that one of the themes I explore most often with my clients could be nonsense.

Here’s the issue:

For years now I have spoken publicly, advised privately, and written in a variety of spaces (including for Shalem back in 2018) that leaders should learn to embrace their insecurities, work with them, and find their greatest health and impact by being deeply humble and human, with confidence rooted in a beloved identity.

That message has been very well received, with few exceptions. Some leaders have found it truly transformative to handle their self-doubt instead of hiding it.

I’ve spent hours with individuals and groups considering the way of Jesus as his example of incarnation, becoming interdependent with others, emptying himself of the privilege of divinity, and ultimately choosing a sacrificial death before his resurrection. Together we’ve tried to understand how that model could apply in the realities of 21st century churches and charities.

And yet…

What seemed to be a strong trend away from the distant, dominant, independent approach to leading may be reversing right before our eyes.

There’s a wave of leaders, many in prominent positions in various sectors, who are embracing a version of leadership that admits to no doubt or hesitation, shows no weakness, and prefers raw authority to get results over compassion and persuasion. And if these are being seen as successful on global stages you can bet there are leaders in our communities who are seeing that as the path to significance.

So, let’s play this out a little.

Imagine with me the paths these two types of leaders follow. The Dominants take one route and the Vulnerable take another.

The Dominant Path

The Dominant path is aggressively direct. It makes as few turns as possible, being totally self-assured that they know the way from beginning to end. Any obstacles are bulldozed and anyone who can’t keep up is shoved aside or run over. The leader is paramount and unquestioning loyalty is the fuel for the journey. There is no room for self-reflection, second guessing, or exploring alternate approaches. Of course, these are the extremes, but subtler variances are easy to find, and harder to address.

Now I want to say that this is doomed to failure. But there are plenty of examples of Dominant leaders having great success, at least by their own standards.

But I do think that success comes at a very high cost.

Having to be right all the time and not having the freedom to admit to uncertainty forces Dominant leaders into isolation. They have to watch their back in case someone exposes them as less perfect than they try to portray. When every relationship is a transaction, trust is transient. And the less said about the people hurt along the way, the happier the Dominant leader will be. They were only slowing us down anyway.

What’s really disturbing is how this approach is being embraced, to concerning degrees, even by some who follow Jesus.

The Vulnerable Path

The Vulnerable path is often tricky. There are places where even leaders need a hand to help them along. It twists and turns, and even doubles back on itself occasionally. You may wonder if you’re making any progress at all. Leaders accept responsibility for everyone making progress and they have to pause to check the map along the way; which provides a chance to catch their breath, have a snack, and take in the views that can only be seen by the less direct route.

This too comes at a cost.

The Vulnerable leaders have to learn the discernment and discretion to share their doubts and vulnerabilities appropriately; not by dumping them on others or using them to manipulate. They have to become real, honest, and open. They have to discover that saying “I don’t know” is often the first step to growing. They have to risk the possibilities of failure, rejection, and even insignificance because they value something more highly than personal achievement or operational efficiency.

Humility, in the truest sense, is the admission price for the Vulnerable path.

Signs of Dominant or Vulnerable Healers

Not that Simple

I’ve been told that one of my strengths as a leadership consultant is that I insist on the messy reality instead of oversimplified theory, so I have to admit that in most cases leaders find themselves venturing back and forth between both paths. There are times when we feel the need to appear completely certain and confident, and others when it feels right to acknowledge our doubts. Very few of us spend all our time on just one approach.

Leadership development is a process, and not always a straightforward one. As human beings we don’t do everything in linear ways. And that is certainly true of how we learn to deal with the place of vulnerability in our lives and leadership.

I have great admiration for those among us who accept the challenging invitation to lead with authenticity; admitting our imperfections and welcoming the support and encouragement of others as we figure things out. It is a privilege to come alongside as people find that the things they struggle with most about themselves can often become places where God does the most wonderful work in, around, and through them. Seeing them find that they are loved, not in spite of their frailties, but in the fullness of them, is truly beautiful.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that everything is acceptable. Vulnerable leaders are able to hold themselves and others to high standards of accountability precisely because they acknowledge that none of us is perfect. They are intentional about addressing their own character and improving their abilities. And that example inspires others to do likewise.

For these leaders, mental health is often an ongoing journey with some highs and lows to be processed. They recognize the need for self-care for themselves and others and they are intentional about offering grace and compassion even when making hard decisions. Acknowledging mistakes, addressing weaknesses, and asking for help are modelled and encouraged.

Shalem’s Example

As a long-time friend, donor, advisor, and board member for Shalem Mental Health Network, I’ve had some uncommon access backstage to see how things really work. It’s only fair to ask if the people leading this organization that cares for others in need is actually living up to our own values.

We’re certainly not perfect. Mistakes have been made, and some people have been hurt at times. But I have seen Shalem staff and leaders deliberately practice the work of vulnerability with one another and with people outside the organization. I’ve seen and heard of people having difficult conversations with grace and empathy, and committing to being learners in areas where we don’t know enough yet. And I’ve been impressed by the commitment to ensure that Shalem is a healthy organization, not just a growing one.

Shalem chooses the Vulnerable path and accepts the cost of that journey.

And What About You?

It may be that most of the leadership examples you’ve seen have been Dominant types and this idea of embracing vulnerability is uncomfortable. I get it. It feels risky and you’re not wrong in wondering if sometimes people take it too far. My encouragement to you is to find one trusted person; a friend, mentor, clergy, therapist, or spiritual director and just try opening up a little about some of the ways you experience insecurity. I expect you’ll find great relief and renewed hope.

If you’ve already chosen the Vulnerable path, Thank You! To the core of my being, I believe the world needs more leaders who embrace authenticity, humility, empathy, and compassion. It doesn’t always come naturally, and there are pitfalls along the way, but your commitment to honest humanity in the way you live and lead provides something beautiful and bright that so many of us need. Your imperfect example is a blessing.

If you want to go deeper you might try looking up a TED talk, book, or podcast from Brené Brown or the late Henri Nouwen who take different but compatible approaches to helping leaders discover the blessings that only come with vulnerability.

And if the idea of exploring vulnerability in leadership is really striking a chord for you or your team, feel free to reach out to me. I’d love to see what we can learn together.

Chris Wignall is leadership consultant working with charity leaders across Canada and beyond. His book The REACTION Dashboard has been used by leaders on 6 continents to understand, assess, and improve organizational culture. He lives in Greensville, ON and is one of Shalem’s committed volunteers, serving on our Board of Directors.

Learn more about Chris’ work at www.LeadWithCatalyst.com

Resources

• Dare to Lead or Daring Greatly by Brené Brown
• The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen
• The Sense of The Call by Marva Dawn
• Journey to the Common Good by Walter Brueggemann
• The Cost of Community by Jamie Arpin-Ricci